 - What made you decide cheat on your first man? What is your attitude to being unfaithful? How did the different sex partners feel? Did it bring you satisfaction? Do you still feel attracted to your first flame?
My first man loved me a lot, I was his first woman. He kept saying that he was so happy that I had not had anyone before him, said if I had not been a virgin he would not have dated me most likely. Just imagine how important it was for an 18 year old girl that was madly in love with him (that was what I thought I was).
But everything was far from perfect. I had never had orgasm in bed with him, I mean, he had enough skills to arouse me with his caress, but failed to last more than 1-2 minutes ‘in the process’.
Me, being a good loving girl, could not admit that I felt nothing with him, but held a sacred belief that maybe I would get lucky eventually and I find out at last what it is (if not – so that must be my lot!).
Then one day I was unexpectedly sent to meet ‘a friend of somebody’s friend’ that was supposed to stay in St. Petersburg just for a few hours. I met a handsome guy at the railway station (older than me), and he, having seen me, stayed in the city for a month… Sasha fell in love with me at the first sight, and so did I. But how could I possibly admit that to myself, not mentioning him?
I had a boyfriend whom I loved (although there was a big question about it already) and who trusted me. My upbringing did not allow me to fall in love with somebody else in this situation. Besides Sanya turned out to be 11 years older than me and married on top of everything! I did not let him come close to me, tried to avoid staying alone with him, I was conscience-stricken. But Sasha sought after me persistently.
For several months he was torn between two cities, did not live with his family, would fly in for a single night just to look at me, sit by my side, getting absolutely nothing in return, not even an innocent kiss. Once after an attempt to hug and kiss me, Sasha said: ‘You do not have to confess your love to me, just admit it to yourself and we will be fine’.
What attracted me most in Sasha – his confidence, he was a sort of person for whom there were no insoluble problems. Everything he had (and he had quite a bit), he created and earned himself. I felt with him as if protected by a brick wall, he was a Man with a capital M, something one could never said about my boyfriend, who was a mumble. I suffered a lot, but suddenly I noticed that I was beginning to change myself, I was becoming more resolute, more like Sasha. We understood each other without words.
At last on the fifth month of our acquaintance we found ourselves in bed with each other. What I felt from his caress and kisses was a revelation to me. He was very experienced, but, most important, - he loved me and I loved him, so much that I could not imagine possible ever before.
When he entered me, I did not feel any pain I was used to with my first man. On the contrary, his movements inside me stopped my heart, my breathing, my blood and everything that could possibly stop in me! Never before had I felt such pleasure. For the first time in my life I understood what orgasm was about.
I did not look at it as cheating, because I realized that I could not exist anymore without Sasha. I just told my boyfriend it was all over without going into much explanations. He just had to face the facts – I did not want to be with him any longer. It was a shock for him, but I did not feel sorry for him at all. I was a kind of paying him back for all the inhibitions I developed thanks to his weakness.
It is now the forth year since we are together with Sashka!!!
|
